You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you’re confusing courage with wisdom
The Wizard of Oz
Trust your instinct!
When I travelled australia in my twenties I was taken off my destined path to meet with family. it took a horse to throw me off and break my back to stop me in tracks and get back online. After this I have come to completely trust my instincts when I get that feeling again. And Dorothy breaking down 10 minutes into my first trip has just proven this.
Since having Dorothy I have not been able to shake off a higher level of anxiety in me that I tried to assign to various things, especially perimenopause! I was doing everything I should with her and I was building my confidence in driving through the gears and using them rather than the break to slow down. I had completed all the jobs I could do before taking to her to my parents an hour away to finish off the decor and have dad to a thorough electrical examination and cut a hole in the shelf to fit the new sized gas bottle. There was nothing more I could do from home and knew this trip had to happen, so had to try and ignore all my anxieties and just ride with it.
But something told me that along the A34 I was going to break down and need to call the RAC for recovery.
And this is exactly what happened!
I had taken her for a couple of short trips to get her and me moving comfortably together the weekend prior. But 10 minutes in the red oil light started flashing and quickly stayed on. I got her back and following a failed attempt at filling her up at an odd angle and pouring of the oil through onto the ground, with a new flexible funnel I topped her up with what seemed like a lot of oil before it even made a mark on the dip stick. I had previously seen the dipstick and there was oil so it did seem odd that she was so dry. Even on standing and having given her a good clean she still smelt strongly of fuel without her even running. After one trip the smell went which was reassuring, but now I see this was because there was no longer any oil in her.
On my first trip out to get petrol I had put £50 and the guage sat at 3/4trs full. This seemed to also drop down without even having driven her and left me feeling gutted that she may just cost me a bomb in fuel, meaning I won't be going far with her.
I checked the oil again the night before my trip back to my parents to check it had settled and hit the dipstick. It was still only on the lower line but my history with old cars told me this should do for now. I also pumped up the tyres as she had been sat around a while. I decided I would go via town back to the petrol station and see how much more fuel she would take to fill her up.
I packed her up with all the gear needed for the weekend jobs, along with a newly made set of curtains and with Albi who had to come with me this time. In the car I have had him on a leash attached to the seatbelt hook and he likes hanging out on the back window sill, but still takes a wander to ensure he is not trapped. He has always hated being trapped but in the van I had not yet establish a safe place for him and with me still learning how to drive Dorothy I had to lock him into his basket so as not to distract me. He had been hanging out at the back on the cushions but with the engine at the back I didn't know how he would take to this so put him at mid point so he could still see me. He was surprisingly quiet about it, almost in fear as he buried his head.
Having settled us all in I calmed myself again. Next step, get her running. I went to turn the ignition and it fired but nothing happened. That instinctive sense of doom told me I should give up on her now, this was just too risky and stressful and was just another bad omen. she had to go! But something told me to just pump the accelerator and I found she started coming to life, eventually firing up. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and went with it, taking her into town for fuel. This went well, and I was really relieved that she only took another £40 before she was full so it was clearly a guage issue. Another sign I should not give up on her. I was finding her 1st gear better and taking my time driving I felt confident enough to get onto the M4/A34 roundabout and onto the A34 dual carriageway. It was time to really test her and my own confidence. I was feeling good and set a good pace behind a lorry at around 65mph. If people had to pass him anyway then passing me was not an issue.
Just as I felt good Albi suddenly appeared from his secured basket and jumped up onto the front seat looking out off the dashboard. He truly is a Houdini as I was sure I had sealed the bottom lock which was now not tied around the cage door, so he really must have squeezed to get out. This took me quite by surprise but there was little I could do and I had come to learn he is actually less hassle loose like this than caged up.
And then, not even 5 minutes along it happened....the red oil light started flashing! I convinced myself, like the petrol guage, it was just an error and continued on. Quite quickly though it came on constant, and then I heard some rattling in the back. This did not sound good so accepted I needed to get off asap. I initially considered a parking layby but then saw the sign to East Ilsley and pushed her to pull off there. I dragged her screaming and shouting along the road a little and landed her in the entrance of a wide open farm depot which seemed safe and unobstructive,
I calmly hopped out and went straight to check the engine. Albi was quite eager to come with me as this is what we usually do when we get anywhere. I found smoke coming from below the dipstick and new all I could do was let her cool down, leaving the engine door open.
I didn't panic as I knew I was safe and ironically only 10 minutes drive to the garage she would need to go back to! In hope I tried calling him to see if he had means to tow me back but didn't pick up. After a while I conceded I need to at least start the process with the RAC. I had already preempted all of this as I ensured I had all my documents with me whenever I drove, unlike when I'm in my modern car. With limited signal I eventually got through to the online booking in system and estimated time was another 3hrs. Also in my anxious preemption I had also ensured that Albi was equipped with food, water and a litter tray. I made sure he was a comfy as I could and he actually seemed to be quite enjoying the experience once he established he had all his creature comforts. He just thought we were off on an adventure. Luckily the classic slitted windows work perfectly for him giving us both fresh air whilst keeping him in. It was still warm inside.
Given me recent experience with RAC where what they tell you online does not match the reality I decided the next plan was to find a way to get Albi back home (15 minutes away) and get my car so I was mobile. As I was still in my local territory I called a local friend who did just that. This was one less stress to worry about, explaining to a cat what was going on! I picked up a slice of bread and crisps to make a sandwich as I was now getting hungry. Whilst out I got a call from the farm, having left a reassuring note on my windscreen, and she was fine with my plan because it was raining the farmers were not cutting that day so I was not in their way.
On the way home I went via the garage to make contact. He had been at the osteopath and not seen my message. He also had no means to pick the van up so it was back to sitting and waiting with her.
The RAC came when they said, 4hrs after a broke down! but in time to get the van back to the garage before closing. The farm lady came out and said she fully understood my issue and said that Dorothy was a beauty and a privelage to have been able to help her!. I also got a very positive response from the RAC man who said it was the time of year where there were many of these on the back of his lorry, sadly. But he had a lot of respect for them.
I found it a really sad sight to watch her up there being taken away. My feelings of getting rid of her waivered a lot. Was it fair of me to give up on her so early?
I decide not to even consider a decision that day and went under my duvet to decompress from the stress of the day. I felt really disappointed I didn't get to enjoy my first drive with her as planned and do all the final touches that would have really brought her to life. This was probably telling me something.
The next day my mechanic gave me the news that he thought it was a piston ring gone and oil was burning. I consulted on a facebook forum and got lots of really helpful and supportive advice on how I could sell her as a non-runner having catastrophised the situation and wanting to get rid of her immediatly! I was encouraged not to rush a decision and consider even if I did give up on her she would sell better as a runner. I was also reminded that she was a project, not a regular runner. The bills in my head were clocking up rapidly! I worked out though I would break even of a loss of 6k whichever choice I made. We agreed initially to get the engine out and establish exactly what the problem was.
After the weekend I was given the bad news it was a new engine needed, having sent a quite awful image of a very poorly sump. I'm no mechanic but that did not look healthy. We agreed to a recon engine as this would be a better selling option in the future than a second hand one. I worked out these costs now added up to what I would have paid if she was a recon van and hopefully I could now ask for more than I bought her for.
In his investigations a few other very odd things emerged, such as there being no housing flaps and control rods in the fan housing. and some other bits also. All appeared to be quite wierd and signs of an ametuer having been playing and not really knowing what they were doing.
This has actually reassured me that now I know she will be getting a complete overhaul and clean. I always knew she didn't seem well and now I will feel much more confident in having her home, finishing all the main jobs and starting to enjoy her. Won't be much of summer left for that but a few little trips out, hopefully with the kayak, will do for now and I can make some bigger plans for her next year, when hopefully Albi will be ready to venture out longer with us also.
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