Courage!

Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage!

What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage!

Cowardly Lion

Hi there

I thought it would best to start this blog story with a bit of the past and how I have got to this point in my life so that I can then put all that behind me and start my new journey with Dorothy and Albi (who I now wished I had called Toto!).

They say if you are born in the city you end up in the country, and vice versa. It seems for me this is true

I was born and bred in the heart of Oxford City, off the Cowley road, which, if anybody knows of it, is hugely colourful and creative but also culturally diverse. Anyobdy and everybody was accepted and I feels till is in Oxford. I loved this but my parents moved me out at 15yrs old to a very safe but dull, suburban and over populated village where there was literally nothing for a teenager to do.

I forged an engagement at 18yrs through expectation that this is what you should do, which soon filled me with dread that I may just die of boredom if this were to be the rest of my life. i ended it in my early twenties before we even got down the aisle. When the time came I didn't feel I had the personal identity to go on to do the Fine Art degree I had always dreamt of so ending up studying photography. But all of my old school photographic and darkroom skills that I started a career in was becoming obselete and I repeatedly became redunadant as my salary covered the cost of new IT equipment.

I forged an engagement at 18yrs through expectation that this is what you should do, which soon filled me with dread that I may just die of boredom if this were to be the rest of my life. I ended it in my early twenties before we even got down the aisle.

My early 20's was spent feeling lost and drunk with no clear career path but knowing what I didn't want....a settled, suburban family life! It may have been the Aquarian in me that makes me somewhat eccentric and to be a free spirit! So I went off exploring and travelling, I took off in the back of an overland lorry with a bunch of strangers and spent 6 weeks exploring East Africa. this was with the sole aim of fulfilling my first dream of being my hero Dian Fossey for just 1 hour and meeting the gorillas in the rain forests of Rwanda. It was the year after the genocide but this did not phase me, I could have died happy once I had seen them.

If pretty little bluebirds fly then why or why can't I?

This is where my link to Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz bred. My even earlier memory was being a tree in the primary school production of the film, but, on a Butlins holidays the same year, I sang somewhere over the rainbow, with all the hand actions. I only came second because the winner was a child playing the accordian!

My year working in the outback Australia came to a grinding halt from falling off a horse in the middle of nowhere and breaking my back (that's another story altogether). I eventually got myself home and became a nanny, so still never really having a place to call my own home. I was always blessed that my parents still class their home as my home so I knew it was always there to fall back.

My career evolved and eventually found myself couped up in a tiny studio flat that I called home for almost 10yrs whilst I studied and worked to become a Counselling Psychologist. At one point I was really struggling academically but miracuously a tutor, Peter Martin, asked the question of why. This led to being assessed and diagnosed with my own quirky neurodiverse issues with processing the written word. I new I was destined to be a Counselling Psyhcologist and I was not prepared for uni to tell me I couldn't. I fought hard, and burnt out as a result...but I did it!

I hit my lowest point as I qualified experiencing that post-olympic drop of 'what now'. I eventually dragged myself out with my own therapy and building a career as a private practiioner. I was growing as a person and therapist and eventually outgrew my flat and the rented practice rooms. I found my own Private practice to rent out which was my first step where my artist side was reignited. This also outgrew my flat and I ecvetually found a 2 bed cottage in a cute and quant local village where the spare room became the art studio with plenty of space elsewhere, aswell as being surrounded by greenery, trees and wildlife. Here I had the space to breathe and heal.

Still not one for looking for a relationship I spent a couple of years responding to my body clock and trying to conceive alone. After repeated monthly grief I eventually felt able to let go of the idea of ever becoming a mother.

Not now knowing what the rest of my life was going to be about I decided to return back to resolve unfinished business and returned back to Rwanda to find out why I had been so drawn to it back in 1987. As a Psychologist I was also curious as to know how they have found a way to recover from the genocide. I attended the East African Psychology conference, and met my now ex-husband at the hotel I was staying. Over the next 3 years I returned back and forth and eventually got married and he got his visa to come here. This came just at the start of lockdown which was unfortunate. It evolved our moral compasses turned out to be very different and in the end I found this to be untenable. But as a result of it I felt I became even more resilient within myself and my being and how I chose to live my life.

In the last couple of years I have stepped out from my cave and joined the local canoe club where for the frst time I have a local social life.

But living out of town I am comfortable at a distance, something I think I learnt having moved away from town at 15yrs old. It takes discipline on my part to now get back into town and on the water, but when I'm there I feel at home.

I have found the kayaking to be my happy place but having life long fibromyalgia and am limited to how often I can do it. However this doesn't stop me giving my all when I do it. I've never let my FM stop me (for too long)! love the movement within nature and I am hoping Dorothy will help give me more of this, being able to sit alongside water even if not always on it.

I still have no idea what my future looks like but with no future generations to be responsible for this gives me freedom but also at times choice overload, leaving me doing nothing. I am hoping Dorothy will start to help support me to drag me out of my case and take more unknown paths. L

I forgot to also mention that my beautifully loving Burmese cat passed away in 2022, on the weekend of the Queens jubilee celebrations. He was irreplacable and did not think I could ever want another cat. But, as a single girl, I soon missed coming home to a heartbeat. I knew I was starting to get outside more and a dog would be more practical but I was never a dog person and my landlord had a dog, but not cat, ban.

So I chose a breed that was known to be dog like and loved water, the Snow bengal. And so I have been training Albi up in preparation to join me on my adventuees. He still likes to stay in the safety of his cave which is good that he doesn't go off wandering too far, but he has also has learnt my car, and hopefully Dorothy, will also be his cave where he can safely hang out. Instead of keeping him local I've taken him out on small trips on the leash so he learns to stay close by but can adapt to strange environments. He is fascinated by water, and runs to the shower everytime I turn it on. Some waters he has been really curious about, even paddling to tummy level, others he has backed off from. This will take some time but maybe one day he will make it onto my kayak with me the more we get to go out and about :-)